Things I Have Learned

Dear Augosto,

Here is a list of things that I, as a new father, have learned in just one full week.

TICKLING DOESN'T EQUAL LAUGHTER. I've tried it a few times and all I get is blank stares. Nothing. Nada. And when you actually do give me a look, it's like "Look you strange strange man. Stop tickling me already."

YOU WEARING CLOTHES IS NOT LIKE ME WEARING CLOTHES. When I get dressed, I usually plan on wearing my clothes for the rest of the day. When we put clothes on you, it's a gamble. They might last all day but it's highly unlikely. Three outfits is not uncommon.

GRANDMA TRUMPS DAD. There is something about the aura/energy that exudes from your grandmother. When you are put in her hands, the calming effect is instant. When you are put in my hands, calming you is a task. I just rack this up as paying my dues.

MISUNDERSTANDING THE CLICHE. I used to think that "sleeping like a baby" meant sleeping for a really long time. That's not what that term means. It actually means sleeping for about an hour or maybe two(if we're lucky) and then crying for food. Repeat over and over for most of a 24 hour period.

FINISHED? NOT REALLY. Just because I think it's time to change your diaper, doesn't mean you are done. You have proved this time and time again.

HUMAN ARMS VS CAR SEAT VS BASSINET. I wrote about this earlier but I figured it was worth mentioning again. Human arms win out over all. The car seat comes in a close second. And the Bassinet doesn't even place.

CLEAN DIAPER = BLISS. It never fails. Once that final tab is attached, the crying stops. The kicking stops. Even the grunting.

ELMO DOESN'T TRUMP PAIN. Lets just say there was an "accident" with the Elmo book. I think you cried more about of being startled than anything else. Even the Elmo puppet inside the book couldn't calm you down.

MOM TRUMPS EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. This is just a given. Not much to really explain. She did give BIRTH to you!

A CHANGE IS GONNA COME. When people found out we were having a kid, many made sure to say, "It's gonna change you." What they didn't say or at least forgot to say is, "It's all worth it."

That's all I got for now.

Have a good night.

Love.

El Dadio