patience, my young boy, patience....

Dear Augosto.

Yesterday, I planned on writing about getting you to sleep. Or, more specifically, letting you cry yourself asleep.

I tried this last Sunday. Your mother went to go see a play at school and I stayed home to hang out with you and knock out some much needed homework. When your mother left, you were asleep in my arms so I decided to put you in your crib.

Well...I am quite sure you know what happened next.

It wasn't instantaneous but you weren't asleep for too long after that. I was just about to start typing away when I heard you cry. Automatically, I got up. BUT. Something inside me told me, "Don't. Don't pick him up. Let him cry himself to sleep. He'll be all right."

And it made sense why I was thinking this.

You had already been fed and your diaper was clean(I made sure to change it before I put you in the crib). I figured the only reason you were crying was because you knew you weren't in my arms anymore.

It doesn't take a Northwestern graduate student to know that sleeping in the crib is nothing like sleeping in daddy's arms.

My arms are warm. The crib is not as warm. My arms adjust to your movements. The crib feels the same no matter how much you move. My arms will rock you to sleep. The crib doesn't rock, but it does have a mobile with cool looking animals rotating to the sound of a heartbeat. But why would you want to listen to that heartbeat when you can just put your head on my chest and hear the real deal?

I ended up not picking you up. It took some patience but you went right back to sleep(and slept for 3 hours). Actually, it took a lot of patience. I think you cried almost 15 straight minutes. That may not seem like a long time but it is when you hear someone you love cry. I know you and I don't speak the same language yet but there were times I felt like I heard you saying, "Dad, pick me up. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!"

I do feel like I made the right choice but at the time I felt conflicted.

I never want you to think I won't be there when you need me. Because I will. But I also want you to learn how to do things on your own.

Should I even be wondering about this when you are only 4 weeks old?

Sometimes I feel if I don't start doing it now, when will I do it? No matter how old you are, it won't be easy.

Sleep well.

Love.

dad.